Writing

I've tried to write a article several times, but nothing came out well. Every time I pick a topic and started to write, I would end up struck in the middle of a sentence. And felt too awkward to write anything farther. So after I tried about three times, I gave up, and then wrote this blog about I can't write anything instead.

I was laughing myself and wonder why, but the answer could be serious. I'm not ready to write a meaningful and intellectual blog yet. What I should do now, is to improve the skill of writing, read as more as I can, so I can emulate the other writer's expression method.

It's so hard to learn a language all over again, after wasting time in front of thousands of English test paper in my fucking education/imprisonment. I truly wish I could have a different childhood, so many things wouldn't happen like this(just saying).

But what's more important for me is to face the fact that the only things worth to do right now is to stop complaining, and do something worthiness.

Mind Prison

No doubt, school in Taiwan are built like prison, fill with walls, fences, and security guards. Not only prevent contact with outsiders, but also avoid students to get away any easier. Teachers and all the other education system staffs tried every possible reason and excuse to expand the time of schooling. In the worst case, 14 hours a day at school in last several months of 9th grade.

But the real thing they put in those prisons is not actually your physical body; it is your young, free, creative, and innocent mind. Those walls, fences, and guards alone can’t keep you inside a small, tightened, and uncomfortable seat, force you to do thousands of tests a week, and doing nothing but memorizing knowledge whole day that you probably wouldn’t use for the rest of your life. It’s an illusion that trapped, and fooled those minds.

An illusion of having a wealthy and happy life if you do well on all tests just like those people in upper class but not those poor guys in working class.

An illusion that let you think it is worth to give up those dreams and interest you had and end up doing a job you won’t like.

An illusion that everybody believe in; An illusion that everyone in it will try their best to fool others, so the illusion itself wouldn’t break anytime sooner than their death.

I was in that illusion once, but the frustration to give up my dreams is the reason why I have to break out and find another path of life.

Because these things will change,

Can you feel it now?

These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down,

It's a revolution,

The time will come for us to finally win,

- "Change" by Taylor Swift

Now listen, here I am, my American Dream.

Internet, computers, and the generation like me

I don’t know how they call us, the generation of my age. But recently I think I find out some part of reason why we have similar characteristics.
The desire of getting the power to control things is permanently in human natural, and it’s the result of evolution. In other words, naturally, people like to do things that benefit themselves most; people tend to do things they though fit. The reason why some people in my age are so obsess in computers and The Internet is the fact that they often over controlled by their parents. Their life path is fixed in a tiny little box holding in hands, and put into those parents’ perfect production line, trying to make them the exact same sharp as their parents want. So they resisted, and been punished and/or been convinced. Eventually, gave up their childhood dream and being a “good” girl or boy, so they can at least have a peaceful teenage life.
But at the buttom of their mind, they still want to achieve something, to achieve things that others won’t be able to. So those people and two world’s greatest inventions merged. Children can learn how to use these great tools without the rejection of changes like their parents. Children can reach knowledge without the “physical protection” their parents hope to exist. For the first time, children can control things their parents can’t; children are asked for help because their parents can’t figure out; children can have the ability to break the connection limits with the world.
In front of a computer, they can do whatever they want to; they can say whatever they want to say; they can be whoever they want to be. Without the knowledge of their parents. That’s why the generation like me spends so much time on computer just trying to be connected.
Thankfully, that’s not complete a bad thing. The efficiency and ability of collect and filter information is exactly this world needs, right?

Mute Experiences

Have you ever have experiences that you really want to mute someone just like mute TV?

I do, a lot of time.

Sometimes people tend to say the same things again and again in different ways and won't tired of it(but apparently others do), and you really want to mute them. You can't actually point a controller at them like TV, but you can wear your headphone so you won't hear anything.

I don't know I can have any different experiences other than the happiness of hear what you want to hear while wearing a headphone. But at a scene you watch a group of people speaking soundless, you feel so much fun. It's like a muted live 3D advertisement.

And it is unnecessary to turn it off, because the price of inefficiency of energy usage will not add to your next month's utility bill.

4 Days After Arrived

It's been 4 days since I arrived in New York.

Day one is not completely in New York, but I can say that's a lucky day. I arrived about 11pm. Luckily have my baggage early. Luckily helped by a lady so I can went through the subway door quickly, and got in the E-train just in time, and got a chance to talk to an amazing/beautiful girl(major in film!!, never hear of before) in the subway. That's something that I never expect.

In that day I first experience the potential of how helping can make things better and efficient. And see things differently so I can enjoy every moment rather then just keep complaining.

That night, in bed, I was just singing "I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know. I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on. Oh I'm just a boy, trying to find a place in This world".

Day two and three are both shopping day. It's not a boring day though. We've got to go to a new supermarket and couple electric stores. We bought a lot of food and a laptop which ensure that I can eating while using the computer with out running out of food(just kidding).

Day four. I am sick. What do you expect me to say? It sucks?

By the way, this blog is written using Dvorak. Isn't it great?

A piece of cake

I found myself in a position where I keep complaining constantly.

Complaining anything from education system to traffic, from weather to people, from cars to buildings. I just keep complaining almost everything that happened to me. I can’t find a way to stop it. Although I can keep my fake little smile on my face, I’m still not happy right now.

What about my exchange student plan? Think this way: you want to taste a cake, and it looks like really delicious. But you have thousands of people warm you it could contain heavy metal, radioactive wastes, and dog shit. Can you still feel cool to eating this?

But I think the life in America is gonna be just like a piece of cake.

DAN BROWN

Well, about Dan Brown, he is a video blogger in YouTube which I guess is the best way to call him.

He is the few I though is smart. And most importantly, he makes fun, interesting, and meaningful videos, accurately, 90% of the time.

So, check it out. You will have some fun~

And, here is an awesome video that you won't find in his youtube channel.

Stealing Time

4 am in the morning. Stealing time at the first hour of a day. Can't sleep, trying to know why.
There are bunch of reasons I think are possible for causes.
Unpreparedness and uncertainty of the exchange student plan. Undone and can’t-be-done-efficiently homework, reports, and preparedness of tests. Excitement and worry of living fairer and better life.
All those things add together, make me feel like I have to write again. Write about my feelings, so I can go back to normal. This is the time when I saw myself changed most.
The time of the darkest and longest night before sunrise.

But honesty, I think maybe it’s just because the ice black tea.

Waiting

Waiting for something badly is the status of me. And I was trying to think "You do everything you can do, and hope for the best. But do not expect anything".

And also, I started to take care more at my face, hair, teeth and body. Because I think ultimately those will become the most important things someday.

The insecurity

Have you ever had the feeling that when you walk on the street you wounding too much that something is goanna happened to you or you are goanna embarrassed yourself? That kind of insecurity is the reason why I feel depression most of the time in New York.

But after I review the state of my mind, I find that the origin of insecurity is cause by elders in my family, instead of the true state of security or the event happened to me.

Those elders will tell you every kind of scary story they heard to show you that U.S. is a country fill with thief, liar and murderer. Those stories scared the shit out of me. I tried not to think those stuffs too seriously. But by the fact that you have to listen to them to tell those stories again and again and again. You wouldn’t have the chance to forget it. Those things just like a barrier being deliberately implanted in my subconscious, so I can act more like Chinese instead those “foreigners” (which those elders always call them).

This is not the way I like. More accurately, I hate the whole process of “remind and admonish”, which include at least three times of “what you should do” and countless of storytelling which about some guys mess up everything and looking like a stupid crap. Also, this will be repeated again when they feel it has a little connection between their meaningless daily conversations.

This “for your own good” thing bothers me more and more often. Because I think it is not usually for my own good. All those stories they told is just examples or events that happened (or they think it will happened). It’s just the sum of all the bad things they heard in their whole life, and it’s not the major thing that really should pay attention to.

Maybe there have a small chance that there has a group of thief targeting guys travel alone, trying to steal their bags beside the scanning machine (in the airport). But what exactly rate of these crime happened? Once per month? While I put my attention into every those little things, I could missing something that really matters. (Just like last time when I crossing the scanning machine… Oh gosh, I don’t even want to mention about it).

So, please please please, don’t do this to me again. I can’t take it anymore.

Taylor Swift

Just about couple days after my final test ended, I run out of things to do. So I started to randomly look up files in my computer and listen to some country music. But after review almost all interesting movies, pictures, novels, and magazines. I feel boring again. I also tried to writing my blog that I abandon nearly half of the year. Unfortunately, that didn’t make me feel vital either.

But while I looked at the monitor wandering what to do, I saw winamp’s playlist showing “Taylor Swift – Our song” and didn’t even know who the singer is. So I look deep into the internet and find out that she is actually a very young and talented singer, began her successful career at the age of 16, win many fan voted awards like GAC’s.

I find out that the more I see videos about Taylor the more I being impressed by her. She is that kinds of people have their dream come true, but not act like she satisfies present accomplishment. She even filmed her self-made video and put it in her blog while she go around places singing her song in order to remind people to buy her new album. And most important of all, she is not only looks beautiful, but have special personalities.

What’s my point anyway?

I like her attitude of deal with things. I like every movement she sings. I like her mysterious smile. I can see her video like hundred times that I can still laugh.

I almost in love with her.

Here is Taylor Swift

"I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world"

-Taylor Swift - "A Place In This World"

Pedestrians

Consider this situation:

On a beautiful sunny day, you are ready to go home with your happy mood. But on the way to the bus stop, you feel deeply that your neighbor didn’t welcome anyone with foot to cross. Because you see this

You think this is just a single incident?

They must mean it.

Yes, definitely.

Deliberately.

Constantly.

So, what can you feel after crossed those messes?

Well, I have to say, you have to keep calm, maintain your happy feeling whatsoever.

When you can’t change things around you, the only choice is to let go and move on.

End of Semester

Today is a boring day. Because I have to do a test which everyone can get 100 by just remember using 10 math equations, and I also have to talk to a professor asking about “the program”. The most boring part is finding the professor which I spent almost 3 hours to figured out that he is really hard man to reach. Unfortunately, the professor said that program is not his business anymore (which definitely “IS” his business at the beginning of the semester, because he told me I have to take a TOEFL before knowing further info).

So, I like an idiot thought I can go to U.S. through a convenient way by talking to a professor, but only wasted many time in the end (although it is my fault most of time, I still want to say “why can’t someone passes info more correctly?”). For those reason, I have to meet one of the TTU department again. Hope I can still catch the chance I missed.

Because if I can't, I will be very sad.