Monday, February 23, 2009

The insecurity

Have you ever had the feeling that when you walk on the street you wounding too much that something is goanna happened to you or you are goanna embarrassed yourself? That kind of insecurity is the reason why I feel depression most of the time in New York.

But after I review the state of my mind, I find that the origin of insecurity is cause by elders in my family, instead of the true state of security or the event happened to me.

Those elders will tell you every kind of scary story they heard to show you that U.S. is a country fill with thief, liar and murderer. Those stories scared the shit out of me. I tried not to think those stuffs too seriously. But by the fact that you have to listen to them to tell those stories again and again and again. You wouldn’t have the chance to forget it. Those things just like a barrier being deliberately implanted in my subconscious, so I can act more like Chinese instead those “foreigners” (which those elders always call them).

This is not the way I like. More accurately, I hate the whole process of “remind and admonish”, which include at least three times of “what you should do” and countless of storytelling which about some guys mess up everything and looking like a stupid crap. Also, this will be repeated again when they feel it has a little connection between their meaningless daily conversations.

This “for your own good” thing bothers me more and more often. Because I think it is not usually for my own good. All those stories they told is just examples or events that happened (or they think it will happened). It’s just the sum of all the bad things they heard in their whole life, and it’s not the major thing that really should pay attention to.

Maybe there have a small chance that there has a group of thief targeting guys travel alone, trying to steal their bags beside the scanning machine (in the airport). But what exactly rate of these crime happened? Once per month? While I put my attention into every those little things, I could missing something that really matters. (Just like last time when I crossing the scanning machine… Oh gosh, I don’t even want to mention about it).

So, please please please, don’t do this to me again. I can’t take it anymore.