Being Free

Sometimes I don't quite aware that I finally being free of doing lots of things. Since I got out from military, I stopped feel being threaten and forced to do anything I don't want to. But I think whatever I try, I just can't forgot my life in military. Even now, I feel I am on a vacation and I have to go back again, just like old times.
Anyway, my real new life began here in Pleasant Hill, California. I am pretty glad the weather is great, food is normal regardless how they said back in Taiwan, and people are generally friendly. Maybe I like here because I wanted to, like I hate Taiwanese Army because I intended to do so. But I don't care. Flash back to 8 years ago, I were still a freshman at high school, and I had always been terrified to think what job I am going to do, how life will suffer if I ever grow up. Right now, the future is never clearer than ever. There will be bumps along the road, but I can see it now.

--Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
And I can see it

I can see it now.

"Mine" by Taylor Swift --------"Mine" music video

I thought...

I thought I want to search something interesting on the internet, but what I did is just spending my time escaping reality.

I thought I hate Taiwan, but what I actually hate is part of many unsolvable problems all around the world.

I thought I grow up during the past year, but I still look like I just finished a crappy education without skill and knowledge.

I thought I will be better, but I am not.

I thought I can be more optimistic, but it is hard.

My military life left only 53 days.

How did I made it through 282 days? I don’t know.


But I know I can not look back.

Cold

I feel cold, not particularly because it's winter, but also because I feel cold inside. And I fear about ever going back to this island and ever mention this sad place in my rest of life. I feel pain in my bone, because I always have to carry something heavy or something troublesome. My hands are still grubby with dirt, lie, and shame that can never be washed out. My feet are hurt because I was forced to wearing uncomfortable boots and trapped inside without freedom. For me, this place is only served to torture young people both mentally and physically with excessive government power. Even worst, the very kind of volunteers is the kind with poor economic condition, broken family, or social disorder. In the result, this environment is filled with violence and it spread like a disease. I’m tired of this, but the end is still far away.